


Redeem The Man

by Sluhshii



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Crossover, Depression, I KILLED HIM IM SORRY, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, forgive me lord for i have sinned, lots of sadness, should i continue, the ship would be an ot3 btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 14:07:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sluhshii/pseuds/Sluhshii
Summary: Yoongi knew the feeling of victory. He’d felt it every time he stood in that Jaeger with his brother, Jihoon, by his side. Every tally on their dorm wall, every patch on their leather jackets, every single one of them were their own victories. A victory for humanity and a loss for the monsters under their beds. It made them feel invincible.But where there is victory, there is sacrifice.  And while Yoongi knew what it felt like to win, he knew what it felt like to lose.Losing feels like the end of the world.Losing Jihoon was the end of Yoongi’s world.





	Redeem The Man

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! So I wrote this months ago on a whim and then the PCR 2 trailer came out and then I saw it and ahhhhh. I'm not sure if I should continue this or not so I just thought hey, why not post it. Feel free to let me know your thoughts and if I should make this into an actual story of not. :)

Everybody wants to be able to say that they made a difference before they died, the kind of accomplishment that people would remember them for even when they’ve been gone for a long, long time. The feeling of being a victor.

Yoongi knew the feeling of victory. He’d felt it every time he stood in that Jaeger with his brother, Jihoon, by his side. Every tally on their dorm wall, every patch on their leather jackets, every single one of them were their own victories. A victory for humanity and a loss for the monsters under their beds. It made them feel invincible.

But where there is victory, there is sacrifice.  And while Yoongi knew what it felt like to win, he knew what it felt like to lose.

Losing feels like the end of the world.

Losing Jihoon was the end of Yoongi’s world.

It’s been almost four years since the double event that rocked the Earth to its core but to him it still feels like it happened yesterday. If he closes his eyes long enough he can still hear thunder clapping in his ears and the taste of the salty mix of ocean and rainwater on stinging his tongue. 

There are still times where it's so hard to differentiate which memories are his own and which belonged to Jihoon, that he can’t see straight for hours. Sleeping is like a front-row seat to all the things he doesn’t want to see, so he doesn’t do it much these days. But when he eventually knocks out he will wake up silently screaming himself hoarse with the left side of his body feeling numb.

Death is something that has always left people wondering. The idea of it has had always made people curious and afraid all at the same time.

Yoongi knew what it felt like to die and that’s probably what fucked him up the most.

He has the scars all along the left half of his body to prove it. Deep gouges that look like something was trying to tear him apart from the inside that reach from the bottom of his ribcage to the back of his neck.

As if he needed another reminder of what he’d done.

When he left Anchorage it’d been with only the things he could fit into a single duffle bag, the clothes on his back, and no tearful goodbyes. He’d still been pronounced bedridden but all he knew was that in between the haze of medical drugs and flashbacks, the small bits of clarity he had were of his conscious screaming  _ get away get away get away _ . So he did.

He covered up his tracks as best as he could, dyed his hair blonde instead of his natural black. Got a job working on the Walls even though he knew it was fruitless. It gave him something to do with his hands and keep his mind off the memories buzzing in the back of his head for a few hours a day.

There are times where he thinks he’s might be okay. But the dogtags around his neck whisper a different story when the metal is cold enough against his skin to send a shiver down his spine,the chain feeling as if it's choking him, and seeing Jihoon’s ghost in his peripherals for days.

Sometimes the news at work will showcase another Kaiju breakout and he won’t have the heart to turn away. If only to get a glimpse at the life he once had. 

“Only forty-five minutes ago a Category II Kaiju broke through Busan’s border in South Korea.”

He can hear the other workers gathering around him but he can only watch the shaky footage on the TV screen of a horned beast breaking through the wall as if it is only paper. It only proves what he already knows, the walls are only a hindrance to any actual human defense progress, all but a safety net for the public’s minds.

“This is the fourth attack in five months. The PPDC dispatched  _ Spring Danger _ piloted by Kim Namjoon and Kim Taehyung, their only operating Mark V and the fastest Jaeger in the world right now.”

The screen switches to a bright blue and light gray Jaeger with two young bright faced pilots in matching drivesuits bowing to the clapping people surrounding them. Yoongi only has eyes for the machine standing behind them. A part of him is green with envy and what if’s,  _ if me and Jihoon were piloting that, Knifehead wouldn’t have stood a fucking chance. _

Something flashes in front of his eyes. There’s an echo of a laugh in his ear.  _ “Try to keep up old man!” _

Yoongi blinks hard shaking his head and his vision clears. He is still surrounded by the other wall workers and the TV has switched to the reporter speaking about the PPDC. No one is speaking to him.

*

When he opens the door to a smiling Kim Seokjin he promptly slams the door in his face. An indignant “Yoongi!” follows that Yoongi pays no mind to, too busy trying to control his breathing and keeping himself from throwing up. His heart is beating so quick in his chest he slides down the door, sinking his fingers into his hair to pull at the strands. He feels like he’s run a marathon, sweat dripping down his neck and unable to catch his breath.

The chain around his neck feels significantly tighter than before.

“Yoongi?” Jin’s voice travels through the wood, sounding just like it did four years ago. Motherly and so much like  _ home _ it brings tears to Yoongi’s eyes just hearing it. “Yoongi are you there?”

“Go away.” He manages to choke out, curling in on himself.

Jin lets out a sigh and gently knocks his fingers against the wood. “I just came here to talk Yoongi.” He says quietly.

“There isn’t anything to talk about. I know exactly why you’re here and I’m telling you right now Jin, it’ll be better for both of us if you just turn around and leave.” Yoongi sucks in a deep breath as he feels his heart slowing down and removes his fingers from his hair, folding them over his knees. He’s suddenly, so, so tired.

“You know I can’t do that Yoon.”

It's the nickname that makes Yoongi slowly stand up feeling like he’s in a stranger’s body. When he opens the door Jin is still there and looking just like he did four years ago, perfect skin, hair, and kind eyes. “Kim Seokjin.” He says in a whisper.

“Min Yoongi.” Jin replies, hands twitching like he wants to touch but refrains himself. He tucks them into his jacket pockets instead. “Took me awhile to find you.”

“I was holding onto the hope that I wouldn’t be found.” 

“Things don’t always go our way unfortunately, fate has her plans.” Jin says dismissively. “I’m here-”

Yoongi cuts him off before he even gets a chance. “I’m not a ranger anymore.”  _ Haven’t been for four years. _

“But you could be.”

Yoongi’s hand tightens its grip on the door knob. “You don’t need me Jin.” It sounds more like a plea than a statement when it leaves his lips. He can hear the wind roaring and waves crashing against unyielding metal, sirens echoing in his ears.

The small smile Jin had left a grim line in its wake. “You know I wouldn’t be asking this if we weren’t desperate, Yoonie.” He eyes Yoongi for a moment before he moves forward slowly, giving Yoongi time to move away before wrapping his arms around the shorter man. “It’s been awhile Yoongi-ah.”

Yoongi tries to swallow the lump in his throat. “Four years, hyung.”

Jin squeezes him tighter for a moment before he steps back. “The world needs you Yoongi,  _ we need you, _ ” he says, “you need to drift again.”

Yoongi tries to think of what’d it be like, having someone else that wasn’t Jihoon in his head. He decides he doesn’t like it. He shakes his head. “I can’t have anyone in my head again, I won’t.”  _ Don’t make me please. _

“There’s a helicopter leaving at high noon tomorrow at the airport, I’ll be on it to take me back to the Shatterdome in Hong Kong.” Jin gives him a nod. “I hope to see you on it but whatever decision you make, I’ll fully support you in it.” He turns around and heads down the front porch steps walking to a sleek black car parked in Yoongi’s driveway. Half way into the driver’s seat he peeks his head over the door and gives him a small sad smile. “And Yoongi?”

Yoongi eyes him for a second before nodding him to continue.

“No one blames you okay?”

When the door closes behind him, Yoongi’s narrow with laser-like focus on a dusty picture frame hung on the wall. Its of Jihoon and him, helmets in hand standing in front  _ Agust Intercept _ ’s impressive figure with Jin just behind them. They all have smiles a mile wide.

A whisper of a giggle.  _ “Can I make Woozi a codename?” _


End file.
